Stay
by spashley8787
Summary: Spashley is having an affiar? Read and find out what happens. The rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing…

Authors note: Please review and tell me if you would like more. Also, what you think. Any feedback will do.

Stay

Chapter 1

Spencer's POV

I've been seating here staring at the clock on the wall. I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call. I don't know how much more I can take of this affair. I am so tired of being lonely. We have been sneaking around for almost a year. As time went on the affair just seem to get easier. Well, the sneaking around part did. There is nothing else about this affair that is easy. My feelings, the girlfriends feelings, Ashley's feelings and as much as I would like to blame this all on Ashley, she is not all to blame. I too had let the affair start. I too had let the affair continue for the past nine months. I start to hurt more and more as time goes by. This affair or sneaking around doesn't seem worth it anymore.

"How have you been?" Ashley asks breaking the silence that was being held between us. When we first started messing around, I wouldn't say much to her. She would ask a question and I would give her a one worded answer. I didn't ask questions back. I let our affair happen but I didn't want this situation to be where it is today.

"Good." I tell her. That one word answer is all I could muster at this moment. Maybe it would be easier to go back and never open up to the brunette sitting next to me. I want to have never let her in and maybe right now this wouldn't be so hard.

_**Flashback**_

"_Spence?" Ashley says trying to spark up another conversation. I turn my head and look at her. I don't know why I just looked at her, every time I do, it makes it that much harder not to answer her. We have be having this affair for four months now and I am rapidly falling for a girl who I have barely said five words to since the affair started. Do I love her? I try to not give that question much thought. I don't want to love her. This isn't the situation to fall in love with someone. I will say I could fall in love with her if I let myself. I do care for her, deeply. I really miss her when we are apart. I may not talk to her while we are in this intimate setting but she tells me a lot about herself. She has told me so much about herself. She says she tells me everything. I think that's why I am starting to fall for her. I know so much about a woman that knows little to none about me._

"_I know it's hard. I know you will never ask me to choose. I know that I should but I just can't." The words that just came from her mouth stung me. They hit me where it hurts the most; my heart._

"_You won't, Ashley." I tell her letting the anger fill my voice. _

"_What?' She looks puzzled. She has no idea what I am saying. I have learned her facial expressions. She has probably learned mine considering that is what I give her the most. _

"_It's you won't choose because you can. You just won't or don't want too for whatever reason." She smiles at me when I say this. I didn't ask why she smiled at me; I figured it was because she finally got me to say more than one word to her. _

_**End of Flashback **_

After that day I went back to saying only one word to her for almost three weeks. I gave in to her after that and I have been saying more to her since. Well, except for today, that is.

"Are we really back to that?" Ashley asks sadly.

"What?"

"One word." Ashley states.

"What do you want me to say, Ashley? You always start a conversation then leave in the middle of it. I don't feel like talking today. It's the reason we're where we are."

"What are you saying?"

"What I always say, Ashley but we can never do. Just like they say, it's easier said than done." I tell her with no emotion in me voice what so ever. "The sad part about this affair is that five years from now if we were still sneaking around you still wouldn't make a decision."

"If you feel this way and you don't think I will ever make a choice." Ashley paused and sighed. "Why are you continuing to meet with me?" Ashley adds lightly looking down at her hands.

"Meet with you?" I laugh. I can't believe she just said 'meet with me'. "Is that what we are doing, having a fucking meeting?" I yell at her for the first time. Ashley is taken back by it because I cause her to jump so bad, she rolls backwards off my bed. I wrap my sheet around me and gather my clothes from my bedroom floor. Ashley slowly picks herself from the floor, rubbing her left hip.

"That wasn't what I meant." Ashley states breaking the silence after I am fully dressed, while she only has her pants back on.

"What did you mean then?" I ask already annoyed with this whole conversation. "Meet with me." I mock her and shake my head. After the brunette is done getting dressed, she just stares at me. I can tell by the look on her face, she doesn't know what to say. I knew she didn't. I know she didn't mean it the way she said it. I am just letting my emotions get the best of me right now. "Just let it go, Ashley." I tell her dropping down onto my bed.

_I'm sorry I'm bad. I'm sorry you're blue. I'm sorry bout all the things I said to you _The ringtone filled my room causing me to jump. I grab my pillow and pull it over my head. Here we go. It's just another call from home.

"I'll be there in a few minutes." I had toned out the other part of her conversation, only listening to the ending of it. Ashley is always trying to calm her girlfriend down because of something. Do I hate the girlfriend? Yes, I do. I know it isn't my place to hate her. I'm the one her girlfriend is cheating on her with. I'm the one letting it continue to happen. So, why do I hate her? I have absolutely no idea. I turn my head and Ashley is gone from the left side of my bed. I know what she is about to do. I don't look anywhere else in my room. I know where she is. She is standing over me getting ready to leave. She gets the call and she's gone. I'm left here crying. She tells me the same thing each time she leaves.

"I'll talk to you later. I love you, I really do." She whispers into my ear. I sigh. How do you love someone you haven't given your full self too? How do you love someone when your heart is already taken? I haven't asked Ashley these questions. I don't really want to know the answers. Ashley kisses the side of my head before once again walking out of my bedroom door. She always closes the bedroom door. I don't know why, it's not like I live with anybody. Once I hear the door click, I let the tears fall from my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's notes: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. Here is the next chapter. Sorry it took so long. Hope you like it.

Stay

Chapter 2

Ashley's POV

Once I walked out of the door, I leaned against it and let myself slide down it. I hear her crying. Spencer started that about a month ago. That was when I realized she was in love with me. She will never tell me. She would never admit it to me. I believe deep down in my heart that if she ever did say those three little words to me, I would never be able to leave her side. I sit outside her door until I hear her stop crying. I feel like I am comforting her in some way, when I sit on the other side of this wooden door. I know I should be leaving but about a month and a half ago, it got so damn hard to leave. All of this is wrong. I know that. I just can't let Spencer go. There is just something about this woman that pulls me in. Spencer is wrong about one thing; I have already made a choice. I made that choice the moment I had that first lunch with the blonde. From the first time I met her, I knew I could fall in love with her. It was the way she would look down every time she laughed to the way she nervously bit her lip when she made her way across the room talking to everyone in her path.

_**Flashback**_

_I have been watching the blonde woman from across the room for an hour now. She is having short conversations with everyone around the room. Spencer Carlin is the most talented painter in this millennium. My father loved art. He had brought me too many art showings as a kid and all the way up until he passed away a couple of years ago. I loved that I was able to be a part of his two biggest passions, art and music. I am standing in front of one of Spencer's paintings. The painting I stand in front of is inspiring so many words and sounds inside of my head that I want this piece of art. I need to have this painting. Before I know, Spencer is standing next to me staring at the same piece._

"_What are you thinking?" Ms. Carlin asks turning to look at the side of my face. I smile shyly still looking at the painting. I seen her blush and she turned back towards the art piece I am looking at._

"_It's a beautiful. Once my eyes caught onto this painting, it inspired so many things inside of me." _

"_This piece is very inspiring tonight. Everyone is asking me about it. They need to have it." Spencer says with a slight giggle._

"_I was thinking the same thing." I tell her seriously. She smiles at me. "They are all very beautiful and incredible pieces but this one inspires so much. What is the best offer you got for it tonight?"_

"_A lot." Spencer told me seriously. _

"_How..?"_

"_3.5 million dollars." _

"_Wow." _

"_I said a lot." She says giggling at my expression. _

"_What do you want for it?"_

"_I don't know. According to everyone tonight this is my best piece yet."_

"_Well, just keep in mind as you get offer after offer tonight that I'll match anyone's price plus a million." _

"_Are you serious?" The blonde is surprised. I smile and nod my head._

"_Dead serious." We introduce ourselves properly and had small talk for 20 minutes before she started to make her rounds again. I gave her my number and she gave me hers._

_**End of Flashback**_

After that night she called me two weeks later. She called asking me to meet up with her for lunch to talk about the offer I had given her. She asked if I still stood by it. Ever since that first meeting we have been in contact with one another. She closed up on me after the first time we had sex. She used to talk and tell me a lot of things. After we had sex the first time, she said a total of 18 words to me. I had counted because I have wanted her to say so much more to me. I wish we weren't in the position we are in. I wish I would make a move to get out of a relationship. I have both of them but I don't deserve either, let alone Spencer. That is the biggest reason I don't break up with Brittney because I feel that Spencer will realize she doesn't really want to be with me. Part of me believes that I just hold onto that thought so I don't have to make a move. I know I want to be with Spencer day in and out. I want it more than I want this record deal. My career is another thing in the way. Having Spencer's showing is hard enough to be in the same city at the same time. Just imagine putting my music career on top of it with the touring, signings, promotions, and such. I'll be all over the place and she is already like that. Spencer spends a good five months a year overseas. So, she has said. She came out with her first painting in 2005. Spencer had just turned 18. My father loved that piece. I have every single one of her paintings because of my father had collected them all. My father is the reason I was at her showing that night.

"How did I get myself in so deep?" I heard Spencer ask herself on the other side of the door. I know she doesn't know I am here. She would probably feel stupid if she knew, I was there listening to her cry. I have been in such deep thought; I hadn't realized she stopped crying. I slowly pull myself off the floor and begin my long walk to my car.

Three weeks later

It feels as though it has been a lifetime since I was able to see Spencer again. She went over to Paris to get away and paint. She owns a house over there. Spencer has done really well for herself so far and she is only 22 years old. When I think about it, she has made it so far already and I am just getting started.

"Hey." Spencer says quietly as she lets me into her house. Something is wrong with her, I can tell just from that one word. I wonder if she is going to talk to me today. I wonder that whenever we don't talk for a long period of time. I texted her a few times while she was gone but she didn't talk much. Or it would take her couple days to get back to me. I hate when I feel like she doesn't want to talk to me. It hurts deeply.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask closing her front door. She shook her head and I dropped mine, letting my eyes met the hardwood floors below my feet. Instead of saying anything to me, Spencer walks over to me and meets her lips with mine. I kiss her back remembering what it feels like to have her lips on mine. I love feeling her lips. They are so amazing and soft. We move so perfectly together. I pull away from Spencer a few minutes later. The blondes eyes met mine looking confused.

"Spencer?" I say trying to get her attention. She won't even look at me. That alone makes my heart break into two. I want to be able to tell her how I feel. I know though that it will not be enough. I don't know if it ever will be. That alone brings tears to my eyes. I hate this situation. "Please talk to me?" I add begging the beautiful woman in front of me.

_I'm sorry, I'm bad. I'm sorry you're blue. I'm sorry bout all the things I… _

"Look, I am busy. I can't talk right now. I'll call you back later." I say stumbling over my words. I hang up and look at Spencer. I turn off my phone and put in it back into my jean pocket. I walk up to her and put my hands on each side of her face. We stare into each other's eyes foe awhile before she broke the silence.

"I can't Ashley." Is all Spencer says. She dropped her head and turned away from me. "I can't talk to you right now because you aren't going to like what I have to say. " Spencer lets the tears fall from her eyes.

"You may think I don't want to hear it but I do. I don't care if it's going to hurt. I don't like being in the dark about how you feel and what is going through your head. Spence please for once just tell me what you are feeling."

"How did I get her, Ashley? I'm not this person. I'm letting you cheat on you girlfriend of five years." I begin to stop her but she raises her voice a little bit. "Do you understand how hurt she will be if she found out? I have known you for almost 10 months now and she has been with you for five. With how I feel about you after ten months, she must feel a whole hell of a lot for you. I would be completely crushed if the situation was the other way."

"If the situation was the other way, we wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't ever cheat on you."

"You don't know that." She tells me angrily.

"Yes, I do."

"You don't. Look at you now. You've probably once told that girl that but look at you. Look at us. As much as I want you, I can't seat back and hurt someone who has never done a damn thing to me. I can't be a part of this anymore." Spencer continues to let the tears fall from her eyes.

"I understand." I whisper trying to wipe her tears away but she pulled away from me. I didn't know what else to say to her.

"I'm sorry. I just..." The blonde next to me sighs and rubs her hands over her face. "I'm not about to lose everything I have worked so hard for. Especially over just sex."

"I get it. I..." I start to say then stop. What? "Hold on. This hasn't been about sex in a long time so don't try that. I know I'm not an awesome person. I know I should be with just one of you. I know a lot of shit you don't think I realize. But don't stand here and say this." I point between me and the blonde. "is just sex. WHEN YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT ALL, IT'S ABOUT ANYMORE." I yell the last part to her letting my anger take over.

"Don't yell at me." Spencer states firmly. I shook my head. I had nothing to else to say to her right now. This is going to end badly if I don't leave now. I can't believe this. Why? Why is she always got to do this? I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost and confused.

"You know that I don't come see you just for sex." I say to her and walk out of her house.


	3. Chapter 3

**As of Right now, I am not sure if I am going to post any more for Rise Above All. I got one review. I don't want to continue writing something nobody likes. Please let me know if I should continue that story! Thank you!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's notes: Thank you for the reviews and here is the next chapter. Hope you like it. Please review, tell me what you think.

Stay

Chapter 3

Spencer's POV

Every time Ashley walks out of my bedroom door, I know she sits outside my door until I stop crying or start moving around. She has been doing that for the past months as far as I know. It could be longer. After I know she leaves I walk over to the front of the house and watch her get into her car and drive away. As much as I don't ever want her to leave I would never beg her to stay with me. I would never beg her not to leave me but I will always be left here waiting with my heart on my sleeve. Ashley has that much over me. I know I will never be able to stop seeing her. I will not be able to stop talking to her. She has become such a big part of my life. I wouldn't know what to do with her completely out of my life. I don't know what to do without her when I am out of town or now that she has been gone for the past month. Ashley is out promoting her new single; actually, it's her very first single. She has such an amazing voice when she is singing. She has an amazing voice even when she is just talking. She has been everywhere this last month. The main thing everyone wants to talk about is Ashley and her girlfriend. Her girlfriend has been following the brunette around everywhere. The rising lesbian star and her girlfriend are everywhere I look. I can't seem to get away from them. It sucks.

I am on a flight right now to Paris. The plane should be landing any minute now. I have recently changed my cell phone number. Ashley is probably wondering why I am ignoring her. It's not that I am ignoring her; I'm just not getting any of her texts. I haven't given her my new number and as of right now I don't plan on it. I know I will one day because I have been missing her a lot lately. Especially, since she seems to be everywhere.

Two Months Later

I flipped on my television. I'm just getting up to start my day. I pay a lot of money to get a lot of the same channels and show that they have in the U.S. I like being able to keep up on everything that is happening over there. I haven't been back into the states in two months. It is the longest I have ever gone without going back. I haven't seen or spoken to Ashley in three months. I get comfortable on my couch and start flipping through the channels. I hear Ashley's voice and stop on the channel. She is on one of the tonight shows. It's about 11 o'clock at night there right now. I have recently heard that her first single 'Rest of my life' is still number one on the billboard charts. Her CD came out last week and sold over 500,000copies in the first day. It sold over a million copies in the first week. 'Brown eyes' is going to be her next single. That video premiere is tomorrow.

"Ashley, you don't like talking about the meaning of your songs but you had once said in an interview, all your songs are about something or someone. Who is 'Brown Eyes' about? As rumors have it your girlfriend of almost six years has green eyes." The woman sitting behind the desk asks. Ashley nervously shifts in her seat and bites her bottom lip. Her nervousness put a giant smile on my face. I wear brown contacts. I have always worn them. My eyes are actually blue. She doesn't know that. I hope that song isn't about me. That is weird but I hope it isn't. I am going to be known as the brown eyed girl but yet I have blue eyes. I laugh to myself. That would be pretty funny if it is though.

"It's a song I wrote a few months ago that has more meaning then almost any other song on my album." She tells the woman.

"That doesn't answer the question but I guess I will do with that." The woman watched Ashley pull out her phone and check it for the fifth time since I started watching 2 minutes ago. "Waiting for a special call or am I, taking up your time?"

"No, no it has just become a habit over the years. I don't mean to be rude. I'm not trying to be. When I get nervous or excited about something, I constantly look at my phone." Ashley said but I can tell by the look on her face, she is lying. Ashley isn't a very good liar. That's why it's so easy to believe everything that comes out of her mouth.

"How do you feel about your CD being the best album this year?"

"It's amazing. It feels awesome. I didn't think I was going to do this good with my first album. I am surely glad it did though."

"The holidays are coming up anything special planned? Maybe an engagement?" I stopped getting up at those words. Ashley looks surprised at the question.

"Oh wow. Um, special plans, yes. My family during the holidays is the most important thing. We always have special things planned. As far as, an engagement goes… Not anytime soon. I'm not trying to tie the knot." Ashley says still looking surprised. I turn my TV off not wanting to hear anything else. I go and lay down on my bed. I still have a couple hours before I have to meet with some art people. I have a showing tonight. My mind slowly starts to wonder back to Ashley. I was doing really well for a good month in a half. I haven't thought about her much. I didn't miss her too much. The last four days though have been hard. I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I started missing her a lot.

Two days later

I am back in L.A right now. I have to be back for a showing but I will be flying back to Paris in two days. I really don't want to be in the U.S right now. I can't stand being here right now. I'm lying on my bed getting ready to go to sleep. I just walked into the door an hour ago. I have an early meeting in the morning.

_Bang Bang Bang _I heard from what I think is coming from the front door. Who the hell is here at 2:30 in the morning? I didn't realize I had been lying here that long. I slowly got up and made my way to the front door. I look through the small window seeing Ashley's frame. I pulled back quickly. I start pacing and panicking not knowing what to do. I calm myself after a few moments.

_Bang Bang Bang _I hear again. I inhale and exhale slowly before opening the door.

"At least now I know you're alive." Ashley says and starts to walk away. Did she really just come here to say that? It has been three months since I have seen her. It feels great to see her even if she isn't has happy to see me. Before I realize what I am doing, I'm grabbing her waist and stopping her.

"Wait." Whisper out. Ashley stops walking away and began turning towards me. She looks at me in the eyes. The brunette is trying to read me. Ashley has always tried to read me. I'm not sure she has gotten that good at it over the last year. I can read her like a book.

"Are we going to have this conversation out here?" Ashley asks looking away from me. I smile. She can't read me. I turn around and walk into my house. Once Ashley was inside I close the front door and began walking into the theatre room. I haven't been in this room in months. The last time I was in here, Ashley and I had sex on the couch over there in the right corner of the room. It is actually the only couch in the room. I smile slightly at the memory. I took a seat in one of the arm chairs. I don't have any answers as to why I have been ignoring Ashley. I can't really tell her why I didn't give her my number. I know she is mad. It isn't my fault I haven't got any of her texts. Okay, it is. I would have given it to her but I was doing so well without her for awhile. I have figured out that I can only go so long without talking to her. I had tried so hard to stop this. I have tried so hard to try to move on from this situation with Ashley.

"Why'd you change your number?" Ashley asks taking a seat on the edge of the chair that was next to mine.

"People were calling me who I didn't want calling." I tell her lightly.

"People like me?" Ashley asks sadly.

"Ashley, don't start. I was busy. I just got back into the states two hours ago."

"You didn't have five minutes over the last three months?"

"Ashley." I say tired of this already. "Like I said before, I'm not letting something that seems to be going nowhere ruin what I have done for myself. You didn't think I was going to let you go but I did. Well, I was doing well until four days ago. It's kind of hard when you're on every fucking magazine across the globe and on almost every TV channel in the world. No matter where I seem to go these days I can't get rid of you. I was doing so well. Plus, it isn't mine or your position to keep tabs on one another. We aren't together."

"You're right, we aren't in any position but I can't help it. All this has become so hard. I've tried forgetting about you. I've tried not being insane about looking at me damn phone every two seconds to see if you called or text. I have even tried throwing myself into work so I won't think of you as much. Nothing I do seems to work. You may not be on every magazine or TV channel but you are everywhere I turn. Everything reminds me of you and its weird because we haven't met anywhere outside of this house since we started sleeping together." Ashley tells me sadly with tears about to roll down her face. I didn't know what to say. I don't know what to tell myself when I feel the way she does right now. I have no answers. I have no solutions. I knew from our first meeting in that art gallery that we were going to have problems staying away from one another. That thought was confirmed when we met for lunch the first time. I just never realized it would be this hard. I also didn't know that Ashley had a girlfriend then either.

"Engagement?" I said with a slight giggle. I am trying to switch our topic to something less heavy.

"That isn't funny. Apparently, my wonderful girlfriend decided to tell the media I had a secret holiday engagement planned for us. I don't see how that would be true. This year we aren't we spending the holidays together." Ashley stopped. I can tell she isn't done talking yet. I don't say anything because I don't want to interrupt her. "I just don't think I can do this with her anymore. I have put in so much time and effort that I have none left. I just don't know how to go about doing it. You know six years is a long time. How do you end things after that long? What do you say? I don't know."

"I don't know what to tell you. My longest anything with anyone is this thing the two of us have going on right now. I think that this is something you need to work out on your own. No one can tell you what to do or say. It won't be easy, I can tell you that. If it is something you want to do then do it but only if you, yourself wants too." I tell her trying to say something about her current situation. "But as much as you are going to be surprised that I am saying this, I have to say it. I don't think you should be ending a six year relationship over something so small." I added. Ashley just sat there. Nothing came out of her mouth. I guess she had nothing more to say. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV or rather the theatre screen. I left it on the channel it was on and turned the volume up. It is on a music video channel. Ashley still didn't say anything. After I listened to 7 videos, I was about to turn the TV off when Ashley's 'Brown Eyes' video came on. I still hadn't heard this song. I turned the TV up a little more and began watching the video. Ashley sat next to me and started singing along with herself on the screen.

"Remember the first day when I saw your face

Remember the first day when you smile at me

You stepped to me and then you said to me

I was the woman you dream about

Remember the first day when you called my house

Remember the first day when you took my out

We have butterflies all though we tried to hide it

And we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each other's hand

The way we talked

The way we laughed

It felt so good to find true love

I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that she loves me cause she told me so

I know that she loves me cause her feelings show

When she stares at me you see she cares for me

You see how she is so deep in love

I know that she loves me cause it's obvious

I know that she loves me cause it's me she trusts

And she is missing me if she's not kissing me

And when she looks at me her brown eyes tell her soul." Ashley's voice on screen and the voice coming from the girl seating next to me sounds the same. She sounds amazing. Ashley is now watching my every reaction to the words coming from her as she sings to the side of my face.

"Remember the first day the first day we kissed

Remember the first day we had an argument

We apologized and then we compromised

And we haven't argued since

Remember the first day we stopped playing games

Remember the first day you feel in love with me

It felt so good for you to say those words

Cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each other's hand

The way we talked

The way we laughed

It felt so good to fall in love

And I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that she loves me cause she told me so

I know that she loves me cause her feelings show

When she stares at me you see she cares for me

You see how she is so deep in love

I know that she loves me cause it's obvious

I know that she loves me cause it's me she trusts

And she looks at me her brown eyes tell her soul." Ashley paused next to me talking a deep breath before starting again.

"I'm so happy so happy that you're in my life.

And baby now that your apart of me you've shown me

Showed me the true meaning of love

And I know she loves me

I know that she loves me cause she told me so

I know that she loves me cause her feelings show

When she stares at me you see she cares for me

You see how she is so deep in love

I know that she loves me cause it's obvious

I know that she loves me cause it's me she trusts

And she's missing me if she's not kissing me

And when she looks at me her brown eyes tell her soul

She looks at me and her brown eyes tell her soul." The song ended and I have never felt so much within one song. I have never been a person to turn to music to find comfort. I turned to my art or paintings.

_Flashback_

_I sat by the window in the middle of the restaurant to wait for Ashley to show up. I have been here all of 3 minutes. She text me when I was walking in the door, telling me she will be 5, 10 minutes late. I have no problem with that. I needed a little time to collect myself anyways. I turn my head and seen Ashley walking in between the tables. She got the biggest smile on her face. I met the smile as butterflies erupted in my stomach. I would like to say I have had butterflies before but I haven't. This is the first time. I absolutely love the feeling. I can tell she had butterflies to because she grabbed her stomach, looking surprised. I stood up before she reached the table_

"_I'm sorry, I'm late. My sister called me when I was almost here and she got to talking. Anyways, I ended up missing my exit. That's enough about that. How are you doing?" Ashley asks giving me a hug. I returned it and we both took a seat, her seating across from me. _

"_I've been good, amazing really. How are you?"_

"_Good." She tells me, while watching the waiter come up to our table. We made small talk all throughout dinner. We didn't have one problem keeping conversation going. It had come so easily. Our dinner was not awkward once. It was a wonderful dinner. After we walked outside of the restaurant Ashley grabbed my hand and we began walking down to the sandy beach. _

"_Dinner was amazing. Thank you." She tells me sweetly. _

"_You're welcome." I say with a cheesy grin. "What do you do?" I add. _

"_I produce music .I'm in the process of talking with the label, I work for, about a record deal."_

"_That's cool. That sounds fun."_

"_It is. I absolutely love music." _

"_We are both artists. I don't know how good you are but people say I'm pretty good at what I do." I tell her being cocky. We both share a slight laugh. _

"_Well aren't you so funny. But I have never had any complaints about my work or voice. At what age did you start painting?" _

"_I started finger paints in preschool." I said getting a giggle from the brunette next to me. Remind me to make her giggle more often. It's cute. That was the most amazing sound I ever heard. _

"_Is that what your wonderful artwork is? Finger paints?" Ashley asks sarcastically. _

"_I still do finger paint but I took an interest in drawing in fourth grade. Drawing stayed with me until I went into high school. I took a painting class my freshman year and loved it. I loved the way I could use a paint brush. It was so different from a pencil. I love the way I am able to let the liquid flow across the paper or board. I took up painting after that. It wasn't that long ago. Some people think that I should have had a story of me starting at age 3 and all the way up until now. It wasn't that way at all. I still draw from time to time but not too much. What about you? Why producing? Why music?"_

"_My father was a rock star. He taught me at a young age how to work everything in a studio. I love messing with sound. I love hearing beautiful words flow from someone's wonderful voice. It's all so soothing. My father was big on music and art. There wasn't much else. So, basically that's all I know now." _

"_That's awesome. I have never been too big on music and I know that's only because I turn to drawing or painting ever since I could remember."_

_End of flashback _

We talked, laughed and had just the best time; I had with anyone in a long time.

"Where'd you go?" Ashley asked breaking me from my thoughts.

"To space?" I questioned with a smile. "I was thinking about the first dinner we had together. That was a wonderful night, wasn't it?" I ask thinking about how smooth and easy everything seemed that night. She nodded her head. I saw a blush come upon her face with a bite of her bottom lip.


	4. Chapter 4

Stay

Chapter 4

Ashley's POV

I am sitting in my chair watching Spencer. I haven't been able to do this in months. I miss just being able to be near her, to touch her. I have really missed talking to this beautiful woman.

"It was one wonderful night." I tell her thinking back to our first dinner together.

"Yeah" Spencer says. She takes a deep breath and smiles sadly at the floor below. "What or who is 'Brown Eyes' about I promise I won't tell anyone." Spencer adds getting me to smile widely.

"Do I really have to answer that question for you? I thought it would be pretty simple for you to get."

"Well, yeah. You do have to answer because everyone keeps saying your girlfriend has green eyes and I have blue eyes. Are you having an affair with another woman?"

"Do you really?" I asked surprised. How the hell didn't I see that?

"Do I really what? Have blue eyes?" She wonders. I nod my head. "Hold on." The blonde says getting up and walking away. Spencer comes back a minute later. "Look." Spencer says pointing at her eyes. I look up into her eyes. Oh crap. Her ocean blue eyes are so freaking amazing. These eyes are so much more beautiful than the brown orbs.

"As many times as I have looked into your eyes, I have never realized you had contacts in. I never thought to ask." I pause. "Wow, I don't see how I missed that. I feel like a complete idiot." I said stunned. She started giggling at me. I can be so damn clueless some times.

"I was born this way." Spencer tells me still giggling. " I got tired of people telling me how amazing my eyes are. There were people I didn't know telling me this. So, I got brown contacts. I haven't heard a word about my eyes until I met you." That's because they are the most beautiful pair of eyes I have ever seen in my life. No matter the color. The blue ones make my trance 10 times worse. I can get lost in these blue eyes and never return. I would be absolutely okay with that.

"I can't believe this. I don't know what to say. I feel so completely dumb." I tell her while rubbing my hands over my face.

"Ashley, it's totally fine. I never said anything and it's kind of hard to even tell." Spencer tells me trying to make me feel better but it isn't working too well. I shake my head and drop my eyes to the floor. I heard Spencer get up from her chair. The blonde walked over to me and kneel down in front of me. "Ashley?" She questioned softly. I look up at her. The blonde took a deep breath before continuing. "It's the most beautiful song I have ever heard. I have never connected so much to one song in my entire life. Every single word had meaning and plus it was brown eyes you were looking into." Spencer whispered sweetly while resting her forehead on mine. I lifted my head slightly causing her luscious full lips to meet with mine. Moments later I slowly lowered myself off the chair causing me to lie on top of the blue eyed beauty. Hands began roaming, legs ended up in middle areas, and lips sorrowed to other parts of each other's bodies. I feel like it has been a lifetime since the last time, we made love.

I wake up with Spencer holding onto my side. Gosh, she is even more beautiful when she is sleeping. I let my eyes roam all over her face and upper body. I lightly rub my fingers along her face and neck. I was trying to remember every little increase and detail about the beauty next to me. I have never felt so happy waking up in the morning. I love being here with her. This is the first time I have ever woken up to her and I don't think I can ever wake up to another person again. Now the feeling I am having right now with Spencer is the feeling I want to be having with the person I want to get engaged with. I want these feelings for the person I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. Gosh, this feels so amazing. I just wish we weren't on the floor. Where did this blanket come from? This is the longest I have ever stayed with the blonde after we made love. I am going to defiantly stay more often. I really need to end things with Brittney. Our relationship ended way before I met Spencer. Why is it so hard for me to break up with her then? That's what confuses me so much. Brittney and I have nothing to give each other anymore and I haven't been in love with her for a very long time. Not being in love with her anymore has nothing to do with Spencer. I fell out of love with her way before I met the blue eyed woman. I hold so tightly onto Brittney because she is safe. She is all I have ever known for so long. I reach behind Spencer and grab my pants. I need to know what time it is. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flipped it open.

"FUCK!" I yell hopping up, which causes Spencer to jump awake.

"What? What's wrong?" Spencer asks panicking.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I had a meeting at 10 and its 11:28." I tell her while throwing my shirt over my head.

"Oh." That was all that came out of her mouth. I finished dressing myself and sat on the floor next to her.

"What's wrong?" I ask. I placed my hand on top of hers.

"Go ahead and go. Do what you have to do. We will talk about it later… Okay?" She says trying to put a smile on her face but I can tell it is a fake smile.

"Are you sure?" I ask trying to be a good… What word would work here? Umm… Friend? But we aren't really friends… Lovers? No, that wouldn't work either… Acquaintances? That sounds so stupid. I don't like that word. I guess we are friends and lovers but we're not together, if that makes any kind of sense. Whatever, I just want to be there for this beautiful BLUE eyes woman.

"I am sure, Ashley." She brought her lips to mine and pecked them quickly. She got up off the floor with the blanket wrapped tightly around her body. The taller woman extended her hand out for me to grab. I reached slightly up and took her hand in mine. As I was about to get up, I pulled her down on top of me. She giggled lightly as her left cheek rested on the right side of my shoulder. "What's wrong, Spencer?" I whisper playing with the back of her neck.

"I felt so happy waking up next to you. It felt so amazing to wake up to you rubbing your fingers across my face and down my neck. When you jumped up and then told me why, I came back to reality. I realize you don't belong here. You don't belong to…" Spencer paused letting a single tear roll down her face. "To me." Spencer let out sadly making my heart hurt more than it ever has.

"Spen…" I started but was cut off by. _I'm sorry I'm bad. I'm sorry you're blue. I'm sorry bout all the things I said to you. And I know I can't take them back. I'm sorry I'm bad. _I ignored the call letting my assistant go to voicemail. I believe Spencer thought it was Brittney because she got up and walked out of the room. I picked myself up off the floor and went to find Spencer. I heard the shower in the upstairs bathroom going.

"Spencer?" I say knocking on the door. I wait for an answer but never get one. "Spencer?" I say again.

"You go do what you have to do. I'll talk to you later. I have to get ready for my afternoon meeting." She tells me through door. I drop my head and tell her okay before making my way outside. I got into my car and began driving. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know what I was doing. All I know is that I need to make a move and fast before all of us end up with broken hearts. That thought alone made me weak because breaking Spencer's heart is the last thing I want to do. After hours of driving around I finally made my way to my house. When I walked in my house Brittney is standing in the kitchen on the other side of the garage door. I sigh and brace myself for the argument she is going to start.

"I was expecting you home after the tonight show." She says. I rub my eyes with the sides of my index finger.

"I was too tired to drive back home from the city." I tell her going in the house and towards the staircase.

"You couldn't call?" Brittney yelled angrily.

"I lost my phone." I said back not trying to put up much of a fight. I don't have it in me to argue with her right now. I make it to my room and start getting my things to take a shower. Brittney walks in and sits on the bed. "I don't want to argue with you. I'm not in the damn mood." I let out quietly walking into the bathroom.

"We aren't spending the holidays together this year?" The brunette asks just loud enough for me to hear.

"I already told you that. You wanted to go see your family and I want to see mine. The only solution would be to go separate ways."

"Are you actually still talking about only the holidays?" She questioned standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

"Brit, please not now. I have a lot on my mind. I can't deal with this shit too."

"So, instead of constantly pushing me away, why can't you talk to me? I never seem to be a part of anything you do anymore."

"Yeah just like you telling people we have a secret engagement, right? How are you going to tell people that? I have enough shit to worry about. Am I going to have to worry about you spreading shit too? I'm tired of this. I can't… No, I won't do this anymore."

"Just say it, Ashley. Say what you really want." Brittney screams at me.

"I want to take a fucking shower and be left alone. I want to not deal with other people and their fucking problems. Most of all I want this…" I pointed my finger between her and me. "I want this to be over. I can't handle this situation anymore. I can't handle you anymore. Just do whatever it is you want. I'm done." I say then walk back out of the bathroom and into my room to grab a couple more items. I walk back into the bedroom after Brittney moved from the doorway. I closed and locked the door behind me. This sad part about this whole situation is this to me is the easy part. The hard part is still to come and that is getting Spencer. Having her realize even though it took me almost a whole year, I want to be with just her.

"We will talk about this later, Ashley. I am not letting you go that easily. I know your stressing out and you telling me you are done with us is just your stress talking. We've been down this road before. We can fix this. We are always able to fix this. I'm going out for the rest of the day. Hopefully, we can talk tonight if you come home." Brittney says through the door. FUCK! I'm broken and I don't know what to do. I don't know. I don't know. I feel so fucking lost. I feel so hollow. I can't seem to grip much of anything. I hope into the shower so I'm not late to my rescheduled meeting. I hate fucking meetings. I hate a lot of shit right now.

(5 days later)

After I had my meeting, my manager and producer sent me to L.A for a writing session with some new writers. The record company wants me to start working on my second album. They want at least two songs wrote before I can go back to New York. They want 5 songs before I go on tour in 3 weeks. I go on tour right after the holidays are over. I moved to the Upper East Side with my father when I was 15. I began living with my father when I was 13. It wasn't a place for a 13 year old but it was better than the neglect I got from my mother. I have lived in New York since. I love it here. Better then Los Angeles. I do go back and forth a lot though. My father wanted me to start a music career when I was 17. I had told him no. I wanted to grow up a little bit first. He again asked when I was 20 but again I told him no. At the time I was busy experiencing things (not too bad) that didn't need to be publicized. I regret telling him 'no' the second time. If  
I hadn't he would have been my producer for my first album. I would have loved being able to work with him on my first album instead of always working with him on other people's album. My first album still did amazingly great and I couldn't ask for more right now.

"HEY!" Spencer says excited as she opens the front door to her house.

"Why you so excited?" I ask with a cheesy smile appearing on my face.

"I just sold my latest piece for 11.7 million dollars and I have a deal working out as we speak."

"What kind of deal?" I say following her into her living room.

"They want to open up a museum with nothing but my art work in it."

"That is awesome, Spence. That's great." I tell her pulling her into a tight hug.

"There is a catch though, if they open up a museum, I have to move to Paris."

"Oh." That is all I am able to say. It shouldn't be my place to be sad. It sure as hell isn't my place to try and get her to stay.

"Ash, this will probably be the last time we see each other in a long time. I am going to Ohio tomorrow until after the holidays. You go on tour and I leave for Paris again at the end of January." Spencer tells me sadly.

"What is in Ohio?" I ask confused. "Doesn't your family live in L.A?"

"Silly love, I am from Ohio. My whole family is going to be there this year. Everyone is flying back home. I want to be able to spend this year with them. I haven't seen them in over two years. Family use to be so important to me. I had lost track of that and I want to get it back."

"Love?" I question being stuck on that one word. I smile softly to myself. She called me 'love'. "I love it." I add once I notice the look on her face. She smiles at me with her genuine heartwarming smile. Spencer hasn't looked at me like that in months. Our schedules are going in two different directions. We are going in two totally different ways.

"Nothing is finalized yet. I am not even sure where they will open the museum if they do. I assume it is in Paris considering most of my work is done there. Most of my work is shown there."

"Yeah, that is pretty awesome though. I am so excited and happy for you."

"I see it written all over your face." Spencer adds while giggling lightly. "I'm glad you called. I've missed you these last five days." The beautiful taller woman told me, while taking her hand into mine. "Ash, all this seems so surreal. I feel like I am going to wake up at any moment. Like I am going to wake up and be 16 again. I feel like none of this is real. There are things and situations in my life that aren't perfect but there isn't one thing I would change."

"There is nothing at all you would change?" I ask thinking about our situation and the actions I need to take. I tried taking but never went fully through with.

"This is going to be something you probably don't want to hear but there is not one thing I would change about our situation. If we would have met and you wasn't in a relationship both of us would be so into one another that our careers wouldn't be where they are today."

"You're saying that you're glad I am in a relationship so you wouldn't feel like you were choosing between me and your career? Now you can just leave and it won't bother you because we aren't together." I say trying to keep my anger inside and under control.

"I don't mean it exactly like that." Spencer says trying to lightly the mood that I so badly turned sour.

"How do you mean it then? Wait… Let me guess… We are in no position to be doing this to each other. It shouldn't matter, right?" I get out letting a little more anger out in my voice. "I'll just go." I almost yell before making my way to the front door. It really isn't my place but that of that matter. All of this is my fault and all I am doing is taking it out on Spencer, which is the last thing I want to do. I want her to be available whenever I want to see her. I want her to answer my phone calls and texts. I just need to fix all of this. I am going to make my first move but I need to do it fast.


	5. Chapter 5

Stay  
Chapter 5

Spencer's POV

Ashley walked out of my door only a couple of hours ago and it feels like it has been years. I wasn't going to say what she said I was going to. Actually, for once I wanted her opinion. I wanted to know what she thought and all she did was take it the wrong way. Why didn't I stop her from leaving then? Well, because I couldn't seem to get the words out. I couldn't believe she got like that. Ashley has never stormed out on me either. I think everything that is happening between is. Ashley, her girlfriend, and Ashley's career has her on edge. She seems to be falling apart. She is falling off the edge and is taking it out on me. I guess you always take things out on the one you love the most even if you don't mean too. I do it to her some times. None of that matters though when you got everything piled up. I want to call her and tell her to come back to me. I want to tell her I'm sorry and that I wasn't going to say that 'we are in no  
position to be doing this to each other'. I always want to tell her a lot of things but only the bad seem to ever leave my mouth. I don't know if I'll be okay if I move to Paris. I'll never get to see Ashley and that there is the biggest reason why I let her leave. Why hold onto her when we won't be able to see each other. Having an affair or sleeping together every six or seven months is pointless. If I move there, there will be no point in holding onto each other. I grab my cell phone off my nightstand and push send bringing up my call list. Ashley is at the top because she was the last one to call me.

When you love a woman you see your world inside her eyes. When you love a woman you know she's standing by your side. When you love a woman you…

"Ashley Davies." Ashley answers her phone with sadness lining her voice.

"I'm sorry." I whisper into the phone. I take a seat on my couch and hang my head letting my blue eyes met the floor below.

"Spence?"

"Yeah?" I ask.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. We are just in a really messed up situation. It's stressful for the both of us. We're stuck and there's not much we can do about it. I…"

"Ashley, I think you should come back here and we can talk about this in person." I say cutting her off. 'Okay' was all she said before hanging up on me. Dang, she couldn't say bye. There are always things that pass through my head when I know Ashley is coming over. Things like when am I going to stop giving into her? When will I tell her that she needs to make a move or I won't wait anymore? Ashley just doesn't seem to understand how it feels to be me in this situation. Do you think I feel good about being in love with a woman who is in a serious relationship? It doesn't feel good one bit. Why do I continue to do it then? Because… Well, have you seen that woman? She is so irresistible, beautiful, luscious, and all round perfect. She is wonderful inside and out. How do you tell that no? Or reject it? It isn't easy let me tell you.

KNOCK KNOCK

I feel as though nothing good is going to come out of this. We shouldn't be doing this. I should be having all my attention on my art, which is hard because when Ashley and I are not on good terms, I tend to lack inspiration. When we are away from each other for a long time, I can't paint anything but her face. You wouldn't want to see my basement in Paris. I smile to myself with that thought.

KNOCK KNOCK

Door. Who is it? Oh, right. Ashley. I slowly lift myself from the soft sofa and make my way to the door. I open my door and Ashley is staring at the ground. I look down and there is a ant crawling across the porch.

"You okay?" I question.

"Oh. I didn't see you. I thought you were standing me up or something. It took you long enough to open the door."

"You just knocked 10 seconds ago."

"That wasn't the first time I knocked." The brunette tells me with a smile.

"Sorry." I say grabbing her hand and leading her into the living room. "Hungry?" I ask letting her take a seat on the couch. It's a little after dinner time and I am starving. Plus, knowing Ashley she probably hasn't eaten all day.

"Yeah, I am." I smile at her and walk into the kitchen. After 8 minutes I have a small pan of water on the stove and hamburger almost completely browned. Ashley wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed me on the side of my neck.

"Hey." I say turning around in Ashley's arms.

"Something smells good." The brunette whispered into my neck.

"It's just hamburger." I say tilting my head back further so she has more access to my neck. I love the feeling of her lips on my neck. I have never been with anybody else who has made me feel amazingly good with just kisses to my neck.

"Still smells good." Ashley murmured into the left side of my neck after switching sides. I let Ashley continue the assault on my neck for a couple more minutes before I lightly push her off.

"I got to finish cooking so it doesn't burn. Plus the water is boiling and the noodles need to be put in." I peck Ashley's lips before making her leave the kitchen. After another 30 minutes, we are sat at my dining room table eating spaghetti with corn and cheese bread. We ate dinner in a comfortable silence, enjoying the company of the other. I washed rinsed the dishes and put them in the dish washer before joining Ashley in the living room. I grab a movie and put it in. I don't even know what I put in. I seat on the far side of the couch and grab the brunette beauty's arm pulling her over to me. Ashley smiles at me then moves around to try and get comfortable. After she got comfortable with her back to my front. I wrap my arms around her waist and place my head on the back of her shoulder. I feel the shorter girl relaxe into the front of me. I'm glad she doesn't push me to talk when I don't want too. I'm glad she understands to leave things alone until the right moments. There have been a couple time when the conversations came at the wrong moment. When that happens the conversations really get heated.

_Flashback_

"_Spence?" Ashley questioned to a drunken me. I am in no mood to be talking right now but if she wants to talk then talk we shall. _

"_Ashley, you know that you really suck." I tell her angerily while standing up from the couch. "You make me feel all these things then you leave. You leave to go back to a woman that you have been with for years. Do you inderstand how that makes me feel? I feel like shit when you leave but so amazingly good when you are here. You've made me feel all these things and then you leave to another woman. Yes, I am repeating meself. I'm drunk. Do you expect anything different? I probably won't remember this tomorrow and I am so sorry for that because I wish I will remember telling you off."_

"_Spencer stop." Ashley states firmly. _

"_No, you have me feelingso in love with you it makes me sick. I mean that in the worst possible way. Sometimes, I can't stand to be around you but yet every chance I get here you are and we are doing the same fucking thing we did last time. I am tire of this Ashley. I don't know what to do with you anymore. An affiar can only last for so long. I think ours has last long enough. I think I am done and you should leave right now." I said stomping my left foot on the carpet. _

"_Spence, come on lets get you to bed." Ashley tried grabbing me by the hand but I yank it away._

"_I said I'm done and you should leave." I can see the tears in Ashley's eyes but she doesn't stop trying to get my to go to sleep. She helped me into my room anyways._

_End Of Flashback_

I remember everything from that night. Do I regret saying it? Only in the way I did. I was kind of glad I was about to get it out. I just don't like that I was so mean about it. She stayed with me that night until I feel asleep. I think. All I know is she wasn't there when I woke up that next morning. I really don't remember when our affiar turned into a half ass relationship.

"Spence, you okay?" Ashley questioned pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah." I smile nervously into her back and let out a deep sigh.

"I think being away from each other for awhile may do us some good. I know I got mad at you about saying that but once I really thought about it, you had a big point."

"You know what?" I say slightly irriated.

"What's that?" Ashley wonders a little frightened. I smile at myself.

"I think in this time, I need to find a way to not be so lonely. I'm tired of feeling lonely."

"Spence." Ashley sighs.

"Let me finish, please?"

"Sorry." She tells me then relaxes back into the front of me. I lean my head back as far as I could and rub my hands over my face. I inhale and exhale before I speak.

"Everything inside of me has been hurting so badly lately. I feel so lonely with you and even more without you. When you leave a piece of my heart goes with you every time. I am so fucking confused as to what to do. I want you. I want you to be here with me. I want you to be with me all the time. I can't let you go. You know that as much as I do. I miss you when your gone but I feel so empty inside because of the way I have you. I have all this love for you and none of it means anything because you're with someone else. Why don't you stay? Don't I give you what you need? The worst part of this is I know I don't have you to live this way but yet I can't let this or you go. Why can't you just stay?" I let the tears fall down my face. Ashley has tears running down her face. I knew it would sadden her. She is only human. Everything has confrontation. We just have it more then others. Ashley and I have one almost every other time we see each other. This is the hardest part, listening to the sad emotions we hold inside. Most of the time we never know what to say back to the other I take it today is one of those days we don't know what to say back to the other.

"I think that with our busy schedules right now taking a step forward will only worsen the situation. I think we should take a step back. You do what you need to do and I will do what I need to do. We will end up back here and when we do, we will talk about where to go from there. I feel like such a hypocrite right now. I got mad at you earlier for saying these things yet here I am saying them and expecting you not to get mad at me. I am just hoping you will understand where this is coming from." Ashley says sighing loudly. I roll my eyes and get up off the couch. I start pacing the floor in front of the couch.

"I have never been able to understand much about what you do or say. It has been like that since we met. The actions you have taken make me wonder. I know we will end up back here. Right when I return to the states as long as you are available too, we will end up back here. There isn't much I can say to you wanting to take a step back whether, I understand it or not. When you want something to go a curtain way that is the only way it will go. So really it doesn't matter what I want or what I think we should do. When it comes to it, we will do what you want or said we should do. You listen to what I have to say then you tell me what we are going to do. You want to take a step back well you can have your step plus five. We will talk and text while we are away but only as friends. There are your steps and you can take the 20 steps to the door while you're at it." I tell her angrily. I make my way to my room and slam the door shut.


End file.
